Woodcote,
***** Road,
Hadley Wood,
Nr. Barnet.
20th October, 1945.

Rita Dearest,

I have just received your letter. It is only right that I should answer it immediately.

First, let me tell you that matters at home have improved considerably. I don’t mean to say that Hazel and John are entirely free of prejudice, but they are really and truly worried about my happiness. You see, with Peter they could more or less picture the life I would lead – Confino whom they have never met must leave a blank in their minds. I am afraid I have not done much to fill in that blank, chiefly because I cannot bear the thought of being misunderstood or by feeling that they think I am embarking on the wrong journey. You are quite right, nothing can change my mind if I feel that I am acting right. It is not conceit on my part, but it is trust in my own feelings and in my own character. I have had to rely on them for the last six or seven years and I have developed a sense of proportion. Hardly ever do I feel the need of anybody’s opinion before I have thought over things first; then I admit I like to hear what others have to say and I am always willing to accept their guidance and to reform my judgement should I realise mine has failed in any way.

Tonight I had something of a shock. I saw a picture of Confino when he was about my age. He looked not only strikingly handsome, but there was a terrific force and promise in his features. He looked like a poet dreaming the dreams of idealism, yet fully conscious that action would follow those dreams. Now – well you would hardly recognise him as the same person. I suddenly realised what he must have gone through mentally. He might be a man of 40. At the age of about 16 I believe, he had a nervous breakdown which changed his whole life. He told me he had been conceited and detestable and that, after his breakdown, he became to realise what sort of a person he had been. Consequently, he put twice as much into every year of his life than the great majority of people do. Do you know Rita, it may sound crazy to you but I feel I could make him great. There is something in him – I don’t know what, but it is terrifically promising. If I married him, it would not always be easy, but it would be worth the struggle.

Sometimes when I am in his arms and have my eyes closed and then open them suddenly, and look at him looking at me, I feel I have intruded into something utterly holy and I have to close my eyes again quickly because it makes me feel I want to cry.

Tonight he told me the thought had often come into his mind that when the time comes for him to die, he would love to pass away in my arms. It was a beautiful thought.

I know that I would never meet anyone like him again and I imagine it is true when I say I could never feel the same for anyone else again. If I put things off, I come to the horrible conclusion that I would be wasting time in flirtations, go in for half measures all the time, while the true thing is just waiting for me.

I must close now.
All love,
Lore.